Songs you just wanna skip RIGHT NOW!

Do you have any albums that are generally good, even some absolutely cracking songs on them, but there are also songs you just must skip immediately!? Songs that are either coma inducingly boring ( is "inducingly" a real word or have I just adjectivanised "coma inducing" to describe how utterly boring some skippable songs are? "Adjectivanised"! Yet another example of blantent language butchering... I love it! ) or so intolerably unpalatable that they make your ears bleed.

Right time for an example. The Offspring make some absolutely class songs and some absolutely ass songs. They (come out) swing(ing) from one end of the spectrum to another with just a simple change of track in one fell swoop! For example on track 3 of Americana you have Staring at the sun. When it kicks in it goes like the clappers and you realise how good The Offspring actually are but then..... Pretty fly (for a white guy)... oh dear, this song is so painful the Americans were thinking of using this in Guantanamo bay but feared that it would get sonic interrogation banned ( Interrogation.... hmmm... euphemism for torture by the sounds of it. Just like the phrases "Martyrs" instead of suicide bombers and "Enemy combatants" for prisoners of war. I could whinge with glee till my lips rot talking about the double speak that goes on )! Just the intro vocals gives an immediate sense of dread that you will not enjoy this song. Give it to me baby.... aha aha SKIP.
If you dare to keep listening you get subjected to more stupid lyrics like he asked for a 13 yeah but they drew a 31 ... eh? What the fudge? Actually I think I'll probably be better off not knowing what it means. I can see why they say ignorance is bliss but not enquiring about this song. Think that Give it to me baby.... aha aha was the preserve of the intro? Think again this spine twisting insipid torture is the main chorus, the central piece of the song. Just no.

I use to think that The Offspring were a bit pants in the past because I heard songs like Pretty fly. Only later after not listening to the singles that the album only songs are actually really good. Songs like The noose and Genocide to name a couple as well as a slew of others but these are intermingled with dull or intolerable rubbish like Original Prankster ( British peeps guess what bit of crude wordplay I can do to the word "Prankster" to more appropriately describe the song. Leave a comment with the correct answer and get a Brownie point! ) or She's got issues which starts off with lyrics I'm seeing this girl ... WRONG! I cannot think of a song where the subject is about relationship problems that is actually any good ( though maybe Weird Al Yankovic might have done a funny one ). Just some god awful mid toned mid tempo-ed pop pants that makes me loose faith. There are about a dozen ( about half the singles Offspring have released are actually the songs I hate ) songs which regularly if not always get skipped. It's a good job the're on CD rather than tape so they are easily skipable. In fact with mp3s ( or rather Oggs, sound better than mp3s for the same amount of hard drive space usage and music programs and players can include support for them libre and gratis ( that's free and err... free in english. I won't mention the difference here, maybe in the future. So no excuses not to support Oggs... APPLE! ).) you can just delete them. Not quite satisfactory punishment for the songs being condemned to bit heaven but what can you do?

Metal also has irritatingly bad songs that would wake the dead just so they can skip the track. I have just been listening to Sikth ( yep, that's how it's spelt ), a completely mad band that plays some nutty and very heavy and complex music. However there is one song on their first self titled ( The trees are dead & dried out, wait for something wild ) album that I ALWAYS skip every single time. After a weird ( this one is weird even compared to their other songs! ) song called Tupelo ( a somewhat curious listen. When I hear this song I always keep on getting images of Andrew Lloyd Webber in my head... shudder! ) you get this song called Can't we all dream?. It starts off with a creepy little atmospheric keyboardy ( there I go again. "Keyboardy" - like a keyboard or has properties that are similar to a keyboard. ) noise ( the best part of the song. Because it's the only part that does not make you skip immediately. ) mixed with random hollering with lyrics alternating between love is in the air, hate is in the air death is in the air in all sorts of silly screeching to lowly whimpers. You listen to this and start getting a little impatient, you turn to see how long this has been going on for and you see "2 MINUTES"! This dodgy rubbish goes on for more than two and a half minutes!!! I'm sorry but... skippable already unless there's some redeeming feature in the main song.
When the intro is "over" you get some subtle delicate drum work and the atmospheric keyboards get less piercing. The hollering lyrics change to some random ramblings that aren't worth noting. Another look at the clock and you see "5 MINUTES"! Bloody hell when's this intro going to end? Surely this is the longest intro ever. Around this point there's a little breather where the drums go silent and the keyboards go quiet but only for a while before it returns to the torture. At 6:10 suddenly the vocals go all Tourettes and sounds like he's having an epileptic fit! Around this time... if you have not died of boredom or suspended belief... you hear the can't we all dream? song title mentioned for the first time. Woohoo the song's about to start bit no it sort of sticks to the same tosh as before. Just after 7 minutes... YES THAT'S CORRECT! 7 MINUTES. seven, sept, shichi ( think that's correct Japanese ) the vocals just start repeating can't we all dream? while the instruments tail off and go silent. Oh I see, no actual main song is it? Just going to end with can't we all dream tailing off... I said we "tail off" with it... yes we finish now... 30 seconds after the rest of the instruments have finished and the vocals are still going strong. 1 minute in and still going!!!
The song finally finishes off at 8:50 minutes. That's nearly ONE AND A HALF MINUTES of can't we all dream? sung really stupidly. What sort of song's this? It's just PLAIN WRONG. Why oh why did they think that was a good idea just boggles the mind. It's weird because most of the rest of the album's great. Songs like Scent of the obscene ( the first song I heard of Sikth ) are still completely mad but they are genuinely good highly original decent songs I'll keep listening to again and again. But Can't we all dream? ... skipped every time without prejudice.

Now here's one that's gonna get me murdered ( DON'T YOU EVEN DARE CONTEMPLATE PUTTING A COMMENT DOWN ABOUT "how untasteful that is" UNTIL YOU'VE READ THE WHOLE OF THIS ARTICLE!!!), Walk by Pantera. I don't understand why it's everyone's favourite song? It's just so pedestrian ( excuse the pun... man that's so bad I'm not sure which is worse. Saying Walk is horrible or that pun. ), just so slow and monotonous, just doesn't go anywhere. Walk just sounds like filler especially when it ends and Fucking Hostile suddenly rips on your stereo. Suddenly any memories from Walk just vanish.
Ok Walk is not one of those songs that can wake the dead to change the channel but it's ( in my humble opinion ) the dullest song on Vulgar display of power by a long margin. With genius songs like Mouth for war with it's classic riff pinched by ID software for Doom ( probably knew that heavy metal fans and computer geeks are almost completely mutually exclusive sets of people and few people would notice. ) and Rise ( my favourite Pantera song ever. Perfect except for Phil Anselmo's slightly "odd" singing ( "odd" singing... sounds like another blog post. ). Also nicked for Doom.) I'm affraid Walk is just dwarfed by these giants.
Man that pun was bad, unless I've been murdered stick around for more posts vaguely ( Knowing me, very vaguely... ) to do with music and things related to it. Cya later.

If anyone feels I might have stepped the mark with talking about being murdered for something trivial to do with Pantera. I am aware that Dimebag Darrell ( or Diamond Darell during Vulgar display of power ) was shot and killed merely for breaking up Pantera. It boggles my mind and sickens me to the gut to even contemplate somebody doing that for such a relatively tiny insignificant thing.